Why can't i fix this?

We're afraid there's virtually nothing you can do to make Jane see your point of view. Even though you're only trying to protect her, if you tell her she's wrong to go out with him, you just may succeed in driving her away - not from Rob, but from you. After all, you probably wouldn't want Melinda to decide who you should go out with, right?

Maybe Jane is allowing Rob to treat her badly. Why don't you ask her how things are going with him? In talking things over with you, it's possible she'll see what you see.

But maybe you' re not seeing how things really are between them. When you care a lot about a friend, it's hard to watch her do something that seems dangerous. And it must be horrible for you to think of losing Jane because of Rob. But no one can see inside someone else's relationship. Why don't you make plans with Jane for times when Rob's not around? If it's true that he's bad for her, she especially needs you in her life right now.

Jane will sort this out in her own way, in her own time. As long as she stays together with Rob, you'lI have to take it on faith that she's there because she wants to be. We're very moved by your situation and your desire to help your family through this frightening and stressful time. However, your first job is to keep yourself together. Anything you can do to relieve some of your own tension will help. Try going for long walks or bike rides.

Write down your feelings in a journal. And don't be afraid to lean on your friends. Talk to them, and tell them how you feel. Try to carry on even a small part of your normal life-it will help keep you calm and will also have a soothing effect on the rest of your family. The tension you're all feeling is very normal. Since you can't stop it, at least you can try not to let it get you even more upset. We hope that your mother will recover completely-and soon. But for now, just try to remember that all of you are coping as well as you can, and nobody expects any more than that.